Sunday, March 4, 2012


I just watched the Paris-Nice prologue time trial and was dismayed at the insipid questions Larsson, the winner, was asked. For instance, this cutting edge journalistic query was put forth: "Is this a big moment for you?" Granted, it would have been a coup if Larsson had said, "Nah, it's no big deal. I expected to win because these guys are all a bunch of losers anyway." He could have taken his place with Voeckler and Lance as guys people love to hate. But he only said, "Of course it's a big moment."

So, as a public service to "journalists" everywhere, here are some questions worth asking. Granted, some of them have little or nothing to do with cycling or the race that's just been run, but they will generate interesting answers, which makes up for all other deficiencies:
1. What color panties are you wearing?
2. Are you on drugs?
3. What color are your panties?
4. Are you a fan of the Brazilian wax?
5. Do your panties match your bike shorts?
6. Do you think podium girls should be nude, or if not nude, then clad only in body paint?
7. Do your panties match the color of your bike?
8. Do you think the UCI officials who took two years to decide if Contador cheated or not should retroactively dock their own pay and demote themselves to volunteer assistant-tire inflators?
9. Would you consider selling ad space on your panties to Specialized?
10. Did you know that Bob Roll doesn't know what "interpolate" means?
11. Did you know you can make your own road i.d. with a Sharpie marker, a bit of plastic cut from a milk jug, and an old sock, none of which cost anywhere close to twenty bucks plus shipping and handling? Granted, the "handling" probably includes riding in Levi Leipheimer's crotch while he does a century, but is that really worth $9.99?
12. Did you know the elastic from a pair of panties can be used to hold your home-brewed road i.d. to your wrist, or your dangle, or your scrotum, or wherever you carry it?
13. Do you prefer podium girls with small, medium, or large hooters?