Ask any dozen bicycle mechanics about chain maintenance, and you're likely to get at least thirteen different answers. I have, however, come up with a sure-fire method to be sure that your chain is still shiny and intact long after every other part of the bike has disintegrated into carbon dust or been recycled to make latex gloves and flip-flops:
STRANDED'S FIVE MAGICAL STEPS TO ETERNAL CHAIN LIFE
1. Remove the chain and soak it overnight in a mixture consisting of one part rubbing alcohol, one part Absolut vodka, one part single-malt Scotch (definitely NOT blended), and one part Missouri mule pee.
2. Blow dry on low heat.
3. Run the chain through a full cycle in the dishwasher.
4. Soak overnight in extra-virgin olive oil. Yes, it must be extra-virgin.
5. Dry with an entire box of q-tips, one end of the swab for each side of every link.
6. Reinstall the chain and have the bike blessed by a Himalayan monk or, failing that, any one of the NSFW girls to be found here:"http://behoimi.org/post/show/22183/ass-bicycle-bikini_top-bra-hamada_shoko-panties-sw" http://behoimi.org/data/54/1b/541b8e903392f2d5bfaafea70afc223e.jpg
7. Fill your bidon with the soaking mixture from step number one (the squeamish can use a coffee filter to remove grit and metal filings), and go for a ride. Wear a helmet.
I realize that's more than five steps, so feel free to skip any you like except the olive oil and the blessing. Those two are essential.
Showing posts with label helmet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label helmet. Show all posts
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Headbutting--The Best Argument for Wearing a Helmet Yet
I am not exactly amazed when people still deny they're risking their lives by riding without helmets. More like mildly interested in yet another example of the human capacity to believe whatever we want in the face of obvious facts, evidence, and (un)common sense to the contrary. Now, I'm quite willing, even anxious, for those who wish to risk their lives in such a manner to go ahead (pun intended) and do so. The way I see it, they stand to improve the human gene pool by possibly removing themselves from it earlier than necessary. They should win a Darwin Award, if they have not already.
However, watching the now-infamous headbutting incident at the TDF yesterday--and yes, Canvendish's legs won that sprint, not Renshaw's head--my first thought was, Yet another reason to wear a helmet. Then I thought about the possibilities. Would Renshaw have butted Dean if he, Renshaw, had been helmetless? What would have been the outcome if the headbutt were committed sans helmet? The answers might be Yes, he would, and Much, Much Worse--especially for all the non-butters behind them.
On the whole, however, my main reaction to the scene is disappointment. Not that a TDFer would stoop to unethical tactics, nor that he was evicted from the race for them--both are to be expected. However, I am sorry I revealed the history of my busted helmet (below) before now. Think how much I could have gotten for it on Ebay if I had advertised it as a genuine replica of the result of a Renshaw-encounter.
However, watching the now-infamous headbutting incident at the TDF yesterday--and yes, Canvendish's legs won that sprint, not Renshaw's head--my first thought was, Yet another reason to wear a helmet. Then I thought about the possibilities. Would Renshaw have butted Dean if he, Renshaw, had been helmetless? What would have been the outcome if the headbutt were committed sans helmet? The answers might be Yes, he would, and Much, Much Worse--especially for all the non-butters behind them.
On the whole, however, my main reaction to the scene is disappointment. Not that a TDFer would stoop to unethical tactics, nor that he was evicted from the race for them--both are to be expected. However, I am sorry I revealed the history of my busted helmet (below) before now. Think how much I could have gotten for it on Ebay if I had advertised it as a genuine replica of the result of a Renshaw-encounter.
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